Specialized Shark Cruiser Beach Cruiser - Black

specialized shark cruiser beach cruiser - black - angle view
This bike looks so cool until I sit on it

Jaws was a 1970s drama-slash-horror movie about a big white shark where three guys went out on a boat and one guy got eaten. The Specialized Shark Cruiser Sport beach cruiser is a big black beast that you could ride on the boardwalk along the ocean, and maybe stop to eat some tacos.

specialized shark cruiser beach cruiser - black - side view
I seriously don't give a shit about mowing the lawn

Specialized committed totally to the shark bike concept. The Shark Cruiser has a swoopy steel frame that actually looks like a shark, complete with a shark-face head-tube gusset. There's a shark decal on the sprocket. And the plastic chainguard has a molded-in shark's fin.

Yes, you read that right: a shark's fin chainguard. And this is an adult's bike.

specialized shark cruiser beach cruiser - black - frame
Shark frame, really

Along with all of the shark details, the Shark Cruiser has 26-inch alloy wheels, a Shimano Nexus 3-speed coaster brake hub, a Synchron front brake, and Ritchey Moby-Bite slick tires . But wasn't Moby Dick a whale, and not a shark?

specialized shark cruiser beach cruiser - black - shark gusset
Gusset du requin

Speaking of whales, or things that aren't sharks, I wish the Shark Cruiser had been a Specialized Goat Cruiser. Look at the photos. See my lawn? The grass is, like, three feet tall! Sharks don't eat grass, but goats do. If I unleashed a goat, or a Goat Cruiser, on my lawn for a couple hours, the grass would be shorter than Richard Dreyfus's beard. Too bad my lawn isn't covered with surfers' legs instead of grass. The Shark Cruiser could handle that.

specialized shark cruiser beach cruiser - black - chainguard
Best chainguard ever

Riding the Specialized Shark Cruiser was just like riding any other beach cruiser: comfortable, slow, fun, and I felt like an idiot on it. My friend rode it, and he felt like less of an idiot, so I traded him for a rusty old road bike, and he sold the Shark Cruiser on Craigslist.

Swim away, little sharky. Swim away.

specialized shark cruiser beach cruiser - black - shimano nexus hub
Faster than a speeding shark (downhill)
specialized shark cruiser beach cruiser - black - left rear view
The left side of the bike? What?