22 Crappy Mountain Bikes I Didn't Have Time To Photograph Thoroughly - Part 1
What do I do when I need to take pictures of a pile of department-store mountain bikes in a hurry, at night? Prop them up in my front yard, turn on my high beams, put the camera on a tripod, and hope for the best. I couldn't fit all the photos into one post, so don't miss part 2 and part 3, coming soon.
All of these parts won't fit all of these bikes, so go to Amazon and click around 'til you find the right stuff.
Always check compatibility before ordering parts for your bicycle.
All bike repairs should be performed by a qualified bicycle mechanic.
If "bedlam" means "box-stock dual-suspension Walmart deluxe shitbox" then the Mongoose Bedlam mountain bike fills the bill. It has aluminum tubing, a shock in the middle, some gears, some wheels, and yada yada yada, all wrapped with a red-and-black paint scheme and bold white graphics. Okay.
Schwinn Falcon HD
I can only assume that the "HD" in the Schwinn Falcon HD BMX bike means that it's a "heavy duty" bike. That, or the reflective silver graphics are "high definition". Whatever. I like the square chainstays and seatstays. I don't like how the brake levers point to the moon. It was cloudy when I shot these photos, and there was no moon. I am not a werewolf.
If the Schwinn Falcon HD is "HD", whatever that means, then the Schwinn Falcon BMX bike must be just "regular". I wonder if the Falcon feels inferior to the Falcon HD. It doesn't look inferior, with its sloped top tube and curvy handlebars and white fork and hinged stem and red wheels with a bunch of spokes all in one spot, and then no spokes for a while, and then another bunch of spokes, and tribal graphics on the chainguard, and big knobby tires. In fact, HD or not, I like it better.
Motiv Stonegrinder (or "How Not to Build a Single-Speed Mountain Bike")
How to build a single-speed mountain bike:
1. Get yourself a Motiv Stonegrinder in black and fuchsia
2. Strip off all of the derailleurs, shifters, cables 'n' stuff
3. Install some purple side-pull brakes from a little girl's Schwinn
4. Find a comfortable gear ratio and shorten the chain to fit
5. Tighten the axle nuts with an adjustable wrench until they're round
6. Take off one grip.
It sure beats buying a bunch of expensive parts and a chain tensioner. The Motiv Stonegrinder was fun to ride, mainly because it was such a sketchy deathtrap, but the front wheel was held onto the fork with only one axle nut so I quit while I was ahead.
From fifty feet away, the Huffy Dynamo's amazing metallic orange paint made me say "what's that?!?" Then I got up close and said "oh...it's a shitty Huffy." What a tease. Unfortunately, despite its good looks, fantastic color and hypnotically reflective decals, the Dynamo is nothing more than a bottom-of-the-barrel, all-steel department-store mountain bike. I desperately wanted this bike to be viable for riding or some sort of "build" but it just wasn't. Sigh.
The Murray React is a "touring mountain bike". No doubt. With its 24-inch wheels with knobby tires for minimal rolling resistance, a Vortex front suspension fork to soak up potholes, a heavy steel frame for long-distance stability, and ample braze-ons for pannier racks, it's obviously the perfect touring bike. So don't waste your money on a Rivendell for your next 3000-mile cross-country cycling jaunt. Head to the display rack in the back of Kmart and buy a Murray instead.
Huffy Thunder Ridge
A white-on-black splatter paint job, fluorescent green brake cables, American flag headtube decal and aerodynamic front sprocket cover add up to one cool-looking Huffy Thunder Ridge ATB mountain bike. Unfortunately, just like the Huffy Dynamo above, the Thunder Ridge's looks are deceiving. It's really just a cheap, heavy department-store clunker. Why can't Huffy make visually appealing bikes out of triple-butted chromoly with top-of-the-line components? I'd buy one.
Mongoose MGX DXR
So what happens is that Mongoose designs bikes like the Mongoose MGX DXR mountain bike for 12-year-old kids. "'Tweens", they're called. Mom and dad go to Walmart in December, buy an MGX DXR, and put it under the Christmas tree. The family 'tween gets all giddy and rides it for a year or two. The bike, not the tree. Eventually the 'tween turns into a teen and has a growth spurt, and the Mongoose's 24-inch wheels are no match for junior's new long legs. Then a guy like me comes along, and the next thing you know, some short Mexican dude is riding his new-to-him full-suspension Mongoose rattletrap to work, and he loves it. It's the [bi]cycle of life.